Truth & Transparency

I woke at four this morning with a million thoughts circulating in my head. I knew the only answer was to slip quietly out of bed, brew a cup of coffee, and start writing.

This week, I intended to share a bit about the importance of “Nourishing” ourselves so we can live a long, happy, healthy life.

I planned to highlight our need for movement and rest, nutrient-dense food, tools to manage stress, and our need for ample sleep…which I sadly did not get.

Instead, I feel compelled to share some personal news that still encourages self-care, but in an unanticipated way.

This summer at the beach, my mom and sisters asked me about a spot on my lower leg. They were concerned and wanted me to have it checked promptly when I returned home.

Others have asked about this spot, too. Each time, I brushed off the concern with a wave of my hand and dismissive words.

“I was just at the dermatologist not that long ago. It’s fine.”

After living abroad in countries that don’t subscribe to regular checkups and only visit the doctor when feeling sick, my regular appointments dropped off.

“Life’s full, man. I have shit to do. ”

Maybe some part of me was also in denial. I LOVE the sun and don’t want anyone to tell me to stay out of it. I also suffer from seasonal affective disorder and truly get the blues when it’s cloudy for more than three days.

So, last week, I made it to the doctor. Turns out that over three years had passed since my last skin check. 😯

We do this, right?!?!

Well-educated people make irresponsible decisions about their health every day. We put things off and rationalize our procrastination or failure to take steps to care for ourselves.

Rationalization is a wonderful tool…until it isn’t.

Alas, my test results came back positive for Melanoma, cancer.

I shouldn’t be surprised, but of course, I feel shocked by this new diagnosis.

Thankfully, the cancer is only in the top layer of the skin and will be removed early this week. The scar will be quite large, and I’ll need to modify my yoga practice for some time.

These two realities aren’t concerning, though. I’ve spent 25 years using yoga to stay strong, open, and balanced while navigating different injuries and issues.

But the rest, the weird reality that I have cancer, brings a mix of feelings.

Most moments, I feel fine. Alarmingly positive statistics are in my favor. And I have a handful of success stories tucked in my back pocket, including both of my uncles. (know your family’s history of melanoma, y’all)

Then other stories float in, like my family’s beloved fav, Jimmy Buffett, who recently died of aggressive skin cancer, and I can’t ignore the fleeting moment of worry.

I, too, grew up spending summers on the water sailing, surrounded by the bright, reflective sun. And now, I live in a high mountain desert in Idaho, where my greatest joy is getting outside to hike, camp, ski, and more.

Needless to say, I’m wide awake to the fact that things need to change. I need to do a better job of taking care of my skin. And I will.

This brush with the fragility of life also washes my eyes clean with appreciation for each small beauty I experience. The stillness and quiet of my early mornings. Watching Mason swim and her team’s excitement when they win a race. Riding shotgun with Ellis as he logs hours toward getting his driver’s license. The calm I feel with Ben’s hand in mine while walking Mila.

I savor each conversation with my mom, my sisters, close friends…and the sharing of these ups and downs in life. And I’m giddy about the miracle soon to come when my oldest niece, Lauren, gives birth to the first of the next generation, maybe tomorrow.

These are the things that matter most. The little joys and treasures that we often overlook in the busyness of life.

So, I’m sharing this openly with you for a few reasons.

First, at this point in life, I need my outer world to match my inner world as often as possible. So, I choose transparency these days.

Secondly, I want to encourage YOU to take good care of your skin…and your eyes, heart, lungs, muscles, bones, mind…every precious part of you. Let my story wake you up to your current health and what might need to shift.

Lastly, I want to highlight that when you have a setback, injury, or illness, it’s essential to continue caring for the rest of your being while you recover…to the best of your ability.  Get on the mat.  Hit the trail.  Go to the gym.  Figure it out!  Sitting on the sidelines while you heal can create a whole new host of problems.

I’ll be teaching this week with a hole in my leg.  So, what’s stopping you? 😇

I’m sending you so much love,

xoxo, Tener